Dealing with loss is difficult. Whether you felt a sense of loss in last week’s “results” or you lost someone you love, it is tough. But, truly understanding how to deal with it is part of your healing. It is easy to use shopping, food, alcohol or some other deterrent to cover the pain at first, but it will still always be there. I have done that, I have learned. All of those are just band-aids.
A month ago, we lost our beloved, sweet Staley boy. At almost fifteen, he had been my husband’s wing man. The most loyal dog I have ever witnessed. I knew he didn’t have too long left with us, but that day we weren’t ready for him to go down so quickly. His eyes told a story that he was ready to go home. They say, you should always live today as your last, but we let so much interfere with cherishing each moment . Staley did this. He was the prime example of living in the moment and taught me so much about life in the short two years I was given to love him.
Dealing with loss also means dealing with the empty space. The shift in energy. Our space, our home dynamics instantly changed. I found us walking around staring at each other and wondering how would we ever feel normal again? We had heavy hearts and a sense of confusion. I kept asking myself how would I ever make up for the pain that my husband was feeling? What can I do to make it better? The answer is, I couldn’t. And I had pain too.
We had many emotions swelling up inside and each one of us had to deal with them individually and still come together to be strong for each other. The above link really helped me when I wondered not only about the stages of grief, but tips on how to begin mending. My favorite is to “allow light in the middle of it all.” During any loss, you may be so struck with such heartache.that the last thing you want to do is go to work or go out with friends. But, that is what you need to do. Life is a celebration and being among those that love you and can support you is important. Remembering that self love is crucial and that loss is part of the big plan for us all.
Staley lived a beautiful life, but it was in those last few months that he was the greatest teacher I may ever meet. I miss him daily and my heart still aches for one last hug or to help my husband with him one more time at night. To see him cuddled on the couch, chase a squirrel or look into his big, beautiful chocolate eyes.
So, with whatever loss you may be going through, let “time and space” happen. My pain, our pain will not go away today, nor tomorrow but knowing how to deal with it when it arises is the best self care practice you could ever do for yourself.